home is where your heart is

I know this may sound weird but today I had my free session of therapy {to help the students grow as therapist} long story short, she asked me about my family. I don't have that great of a relationship with my dad and I seem to always do things to grab his attention, for him to just notice me. I love him so much and he does so much for my family, I respect and appreciate him but when I feel that we don't have a relationship it's a challenge. We both seem to have a guard or wall up with our emotions. I am hurt from him because I came to him crying...sobbing about something that was so big in my life and you want to know what he did, he continued on watching t.v, saying "oh you will be fine" continuing on like it was just no big deal, that my feelings didn't matter. Well I'm being honest and it did, it broke me, tore my heart, I never reach out to him and the one time I do, he broke my heart. In all honesty this makes me look at my heavenly father and love and yearn for him because he only wants a relationship with us, unconditional love, attention and caring. That is a father, someone who runs after you when you have fallen and is broken. I'm not saying my father is terrible or not good enough, but it makes me realize that we have a father in heaven who is waiting for us, waiting to be with us.
Who knows maybe it's my fault, I should have done something different, reached out for him more, I'm not sure...

I think I have always wanted a father to teach me, help me grow, invest. I look for guys and relationships to fill this void, to have someone lead me, give me attention, but I can't find that in guys and love, the only way is in Christ. He is my all and all, my life.

"Return to me and I will return to you" Malachi 3:7