slow to speak...

Now why can't I listen to my own advice, or hey how about God's word...

James 1:19-20
Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Why is it so hard to be patient, waiting upon the Lord? Please someone tell me! I recently told my friend "My life/love life is like a bad car accident, you shouldn't watch but you want to and its just not a good scenario" why am I so messed up, and bi-polar? Anyone, any takers, doctor do you have any prescriptions, advice?

Half of my heart is wanting to be single, growing in her faith staying strong and independent, while the other is like hey yea lets hang out all the time, talk about our feelings and mushy stuff.

Lord help me understand what I should do/need to do!

Why can't a guy NOT like me and I NOT like anyone!? Does this really happen, and why can't I experience this now!

Why can't I be that gentle hearted, slow to anger patient loving person? Please tell me Why can't I...Oh I know I am me, God made me this big headed, crazed lady for a reason right? All I want is a guy who can challenge me, take my craziness, get in my weirdo mobile and understand me and all my ways. Is it so hard for someone to be completely honest, break down barriers and be themselves? How do you truly know you like someone, why because they are funny, nice...blah blah blah what about the deep things, why can't just once a guy say to me, " you know what you have such a passion for the Lord, a beautiful heart and all that jazz...?" Is it me, I don't know, I know I am in a little funk but hey who isn't? I am always growing with the Lord wherever I am at, I can never stop growing...

Why can't I be good with words...p.s I am realizing that my Love Language is Words of Affirmation, you know why, I like when people reassure me that they like me, what to be with me... I need words or I am all screwed up...that simple right?

That's what I thought...I know that guy is out there, God is working up some crazy plan that I will never know/understand. But hey this is why I love Him!

Please be praying for me and patience, God's timing, and to be slow to anger! What can I say it's the Italian in me, I love that passion haha!